


you say you're always by my side

by restless5oul



Series: even when we're breaking (i'll be loving you) [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mostly friendship, Pre-Slash, Somewhat Pining, but a happy ending, dorks who are in love but don't know they are, post-Red Bull switch announcement, probably wildly inaccurate, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 08:03:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7093477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/restless5oul/pseuds/restless5oul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>with the news that max will be leaving him for a seat at red bull, carlos should be happy for his best friend. so why on earth does he feel so lost?</p>
            </blockquote>





	you say you're always by my side

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work for this fandom, so i'm very sorry if it's totally inaccurate. also my first shot at characterising these two losers so if that's off then sorry! title is from drive by glades. i hope you enjoy x

Carlos was as surprised as the rest of the world when the announcement was made. He distantly thinks that surely he must have been more in the loop, but it seems that this was one decision that the team wanted to keep as closely under wraps as they could for as long as possible. Both him and Daniel are pulled into a team meeting only hours before the announcement goes out to the press. Daniil and Max are not there. Unsurprisingly, he thinks to himself. Carlos wishes he could say that his first thought was sympathy towards the Russian, but it's only an overwhelming amount of pity towards himself. Max was his teammate, not the tall Australian's who stood beside him, who was looking a little dumbfounded but covering it well. Carlos wishes he could manage the same, but he feels his jaw drop open before his mind can react. Sure, he likes Dany, lots, but over the months they've spent together as teammates, Max has become something of a best friend to him. Perhaps there's a hint of jealousy in his reaction too, he's three years older than Max, surely if anyone would replace Daniil, it would be him. But Carlos isn't stupid, while he doesn't think he's terrible by any stretch of the imagination, he also knows that Max is something else, something special, destined to have his name up there with the likes of Senna and Schumacher. So the decision makes sense, but that kind of logical thinking doesn't stop the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. The truth of the matter is that he's going to miss the Dutchman, he's going to miss training alongside him, sharing a garage, them being the two youngsters on the grid, always together. The aching in his chest gives him pause to think, that there might be something else in the strange whirlwind of emotions stirring within him. But he doesn't have much time to pause on that before he's being ushered out of the room, told to keep his head down and prep for Spain, that him and Daniel can stay away from the inevitable backlash, and focus on their own races. They have nothing to worry about.

  
Nothing to worry about. The words echo in the Spaniard's mind as he leaves, he can't help but smile a little. The churning in his stomach suggests that there is rather a lot to worry about. Daniel tells him that he's going to find Dany, and that maybe he'd like to come with him. In the end Carlos declines. But does shoot the Russian and text and asks Daniel to let him know how he is. How he really is. In hindsight, Carlos thinks he may have seen this coming, Max was always destined for Red Bull, his switch there at the end of the season was all but inevitable, so why delay it? But he doesn't think hindsight is going to make it sting any less for Daniil. He debates going to see Max, calling him at least, but somehow he can't bring himself too. The thought making him frown. Tomorrow, he thinks, that's when he'll go see his best friend. But for now he wants to tend to his wounds.

  
Tomorrow comes and goes, and Carlos doesn't pick up the phone. Part of him is grateful that avoiding Max is easier now because of the switch, but he's never had cause to avoid him before, and he misses him, more than he did in the moment he was told that he wouldn't be racing alongside his best friend anymore. The rest of him wishes he had no choice but to face him, to congratulate him on his new position, even though it had come at the expense of their friend, he knew Max would be ecstatic. He was in the car he needed to be in, on the team he needed to be on, and everything was fitting perfectly into place. His dream was coming true. And deep down he was happy for him, how could he not be? Only the longer he left things, the more he felt like he was just making things easier on himself, cutting all ties so he didn't have to be reminded of what he'd lost, what he'd lost out on. And he couldn't quite make his mind up as to whether or not it was the seat at Red Bull that he was talking about when he thought about what he'd lost. Or whether it was something else.

  
As the Spanish Grand Prix loomed, something of a dark cloud for both Red Bull and Toro Rosso, where the team would have no choice but to face the press, and feel the full force of the shake up. After the initial emotional whiplash, Daniil was handling the entire situation gracefully, maneuvering both the press and the team politics as best he could. Carlos was glad he didn't have to get involved, he'd never have been able to do it. All he had to do was voice how happy he was to be racing on home turf, how glad he was to drive alongside the Russian, and his congratulations for Max, his former teammate. It didn't fail to escape his notice that he hadn't said those congratulations to his friend in person. There was a stab of guilt in his gut at how terrible of a friend he'd been, even though Max had been busy getting ready for his Red Bull debut he doubted that he wouldn't have noticed that his best friend hadn't said a word to him. As laid-back as he could be, Carlos knew better than to assume it wouldn't hurt the Dutchman. But the game of avoidance couldn’t be kept up together, Carlos knew that. He’d never been one to be scared of confrontation, and him and Max had clashed before, back in Singapore last year, but he’d just pushed through and talked it out. They were best friends, and he’d put them in this mess. He had to fix it.

  
He left it as late as possible, after the announcement of the drivers for the pre-race press conference, which they would both be attending. As much as the thought of facing his ex-teammate filled his stomach with a weighty anxiety, he knew he couldn’t leave it until they were pushed in front of the cameras of the world. So once he was unpacked, before he could talk himself out of it, Carlos left his own room and headed down the hallway to where he knew Max was staying. There was a moment’s hesitation when he stood in front of the door, fist raised, poised ready to knock, his heart hammered in his chest, as he took a breath ready to take whatever insults his friend chose to throw at him.

  
“Carlos,” Max sounded surprised to see him when he opened the door, there was a moment when he smiled, but then he obviously remembered how the Spaniard had been determinedly avoiding him and that smile flickered and faded, as he remembered that this was the first time he’d seen Carlos since the last race. The knowledge that he was responsible for dimming that smile made the ache in Carlos’ stomach all the more pronounced.

  
“Hi,” he stammered, more than a little awkwardly. He should have said something else but he found he couldn’t quite form the words. The two of them stared at each other in awkward silence for far too long. Carlos couldn’t meet Max’s eyes, and found himself looking anywhere but them, instead focusing on the wall behind him, eyes fixed above his shoulder.

  
“Do you, uh, want to come in?” Max finally asked, pulling the door open a little more to show that his invitation was genuine. Carlos just nodded in response, slipping past his ex-teammate, ignoring the jolt he felt when their arms brushed. In the few seconds he had to think, he kept his back turned from Max, listening as he shut the door, leaving Carlos with nowhere to go. When he finally did turn, he saw that Max had adopted a defensive stance, his arms folded and his mouth set in a thin line. Carlos didn’t think that he looked especially angry, but he knew that emotions often got the better of the Dutchman, and as hurt as he felt, he wasn’t about to have a go at him. Max hadn’t done anything wrong.

  
“I’m really sorry Max,” Carlos finally got out, the words falling from his mouth before he could stop himself, “I didn’t mean to avoid you, I just started and then I couldn’t stop. And the longer I didn’t speak to you the more upset I thought you’d be so the less I wanted to speak to you. It was stupid. I’m sorry.”

  
Max looked more than a little confused at his explanation, probably because it had all come out at about a hundred miles an hour, so he could scarcely keep up. The truth was that Carlos really couldn’t explain the way he’d been feeling and the reasons for his actions, he didn’t even understand them himself. He had started to think that there was a lot built up inside of him that he’d been refusing to acknowledge and now it had come back to haunt him.

  
“But why?” Max finally asked, still frowning in light confusion, “Why didn’t you speak to me in the first place?”

  
“I was hurt; I don’t know why. Maybe I was jealous it was you and not me, not that I’m not happy for you, I really am. A-and, well, I didn’t want to not be your teammate anymore, I like Dany but he’s not…he’s not you, is he? We’re best friends and I think I was worried with you at Red Bull now, you’d leave me behind,” it all sounded rather stupid when he said it all out loud, and Carlos could feel his cheeks turning red in embarrassment, and he wouldn’t dare meet Max’s eyes. Finally, he couldn’t bear it and he did look up to find a small smile on Max’s face as he mulled over his friend’s words. Horror struck at his heart, his first thought was; oh God, he’s laughing at me, before he realized that there was no amusement in that smile. It was a kind of smile he never seen on his friend’s face before, in fact, it looked a little sad.

  
“Oh,” was the only word that came out of Max’s mouth.

  
“Oh indeed,” Carlos muttered, running a hand through his hair, he chanced a grin at Max, hoping there would be no hard feelings. That this would fix things. His own grin was met with a matching one, their grinning turned to giggling which turned to laughter, until the two boys had their arms round each other, the sound of laughing filling both of their ears.

  
“I thought you hated me, for what I’d done to Dany,” Max admitted quietly into Carlo’s ear, his breath tickling the sensitive skin there.

  
“No, no, that wasn’t you. You could hardly say no, I wouldn’t have,” Carlos said, giving his friend a squeeze to reassure him.

  
The two young men pulled apart, smiling far more than they had been when they’d both entered the room. Carlos hadn’t realized how much his silent treatment of Max had been weighing on him for the past week, but now he was sure they were on good terms, he finally felt like he could breathe again. They said their goodbyes, with promises to meet up after this weekend was over, and before Monaco, and that they’d see each other at the press conference tomorrow.

  
“And Carlos?” Max said just as he was leaving, catching onto his arm to stop him from leaving just yet.

 

“Yes?”

  
“I could never leave you behind.”


End file.
